Fragilis Pondera
by Ankhutenshi
Summary: Fragile Balance - A look at yami-hikari bonds from only perspectives who could possibly understand... their own. Given a makeover 25-10-04. This still lives.
1. Tainted : Bakura

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**Tainted: Bakura**

My Light is dawdling.

And because he is walking with the Pharaoh's Light, I can do nothing but fume and shout at him mentally to hurry up. I know why he dreads to go home. It's because once he's there, I can leave the confines of the Ring. Of course, I can leave the Ring at any time, but today, I just don't feel like tangling with the Pharaoh and his speeches.

**_Here by my side, an angel.  
Here by my side, the devil._**

They're such damn fools, all of them.

The way they look at me, the way they look at him and then back at me with anger and suspicion plain in their eyes. All of them do it, but the Pharaoh is the worst. Arrogant _baka_. Eventually, he'll figure out that he's not still the Morning and Evening Star, but until then, I have to deal with his ego. I eagerly await the day reality gives him a good slap in the face.

//If you were walking any slower, you'd be moving backwards.// I grumble, making my vast displeasure known, And don't think there won't be consequences for this later…

He doesn't answer.

**_Never turn your back on me.  
Never turn your back on me, again…_**

He's wearing a long-sleeved shirt today, to cover the marks. Bruises, and scars. A lot of scars. But he's mine, my property, why shouldn't I mark property that's mine ? Marked, now no one would be stupid enough to take him… not that they _could_, take him from me. He's mine. Don't people in this millennia get that ? The Pharaoh and Malik understand -- though, while Malik marks like I do, the Pharaoh goes about his more subtly. But I see it. Jealous eyes, I think we spirits have.

I asked him once why he lied to them about where he got such marks. He said, "They'll hurt you if they find out, yami."

I didn't know how to answer that.

**_Here by my side, it's heaven…_**

Last week, he made me dinner.

I have no idea why. He knows I don't need to eat, and in point of fact, I rarely do, and yet he obviously spent a lot of time preparing this meal. I admit, it looked good, but it also made me… furious. How dare he presume to try and pacify me like that ? What, did he think a little domestic work made him _worthy_ ?

There's a mark from that night. He cried.

**_Here by my side, you are destruction._**

Later, I forced my way into his mind, and discovered that he wasn't crying because I had hurt him, or because that, after I shattered every mirror and piece of glass in the house -- again -- or because the meal was ruined.

**_Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world…_**

He was crying because **_I_** was unhappy.

**_Never turn your back on it,  
Never turn your back on it again…  
Careful, be careful…  
Careful, be careful…_**

I hate weakness. Love, compassion, 'soft' emotions, they're all weaknesses. They blind you. They make you frail. I've seen what they can do. I've seen loyalty twisted, love spurned, kindness abandoned, friendship betrayed. Weakness, emotional, physical… it can kill you. I've seen it. Watched. I know.

My hikari is an embodiment of those weaknesses I loathe. He's so… innocent. Naïve, yes, but innocent in a pure, unblemished way. Like someone had captured a young moonbeam and put it into human form with big brown eyes.

So weak. Pathetic, and I should hate him with everything I am. Shouldn't I ? I'm chained to this weakling !

He makes me angry, and then he often bears the weight of that anger.

**_This is where the world drops off,  
Where the world drops off…  
Careful, be careful…_**

He never retaliates. At first, that pleased me. Pleased me that I'd put him in his place. **_I_** was the strong one. I wanted him strong, too, but he needed to know who was in charge. Then he looked up at me with shocked, dismayed tears in his eyes, and I felt… something. Guilt.

How could he make me feel guilty ?

**_You breathe in, and you breathe out,  
For it ain't so weird,  
How it makes you a weapon…_**

I don't… understand him.

We're meant to be together. **_Not_** the sappy sort of 'live together, happily ever after' drivel. No; we're yami and hikari, and that bond is deeper than mind or body. He's my other half, and much as I hate to admit it, I _need_ him.

**_And you give in,  
And you give out…_**

I guess that's the irony of it all. He's so pure and innocent, almost too much so. A true Light. I'm a Dark. It's what I am and I'm proud of it. I don't want to change, even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm everything he's not.

But there must be balance. To two who are connected like we are, yami and hikari, we **_have_** to balance out each other. Our souls will tear themselves apart if we don't.

You know the yin-yang symbol ? Two equal halves, the sign of perfect balance. A little bit of light exists in the dark, and a little bit of dark lives in the light.

That's the thing I encourage. That little _taint_. I've got to protect it. Not for his sake… but for mine.

**_Never turn your back on it,  
Never turn your back on it again,  
Careful, be careful…_**

I can live with him hating me. If he hates me, that little bit of dark within him will remain. So the little bit of light in me will be protected, too. Safe.

I need that light.

I'm scared to think what will happen… if it goes out.

* * *

_"Weapon" - Matthew Good Band_


	2. Impaired : Malik

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**Impaired: Malik**

Completion.

There's no other word for it.

He's my… completion.

**_All day,  
Staring at the ceiling making,  
Friends with shadows on my wall. _**

****I've always lived with the shadows. My earliest memory is of getting lost in the underground labyrinth I spent my childhood in. After several terrifying hours in the absolute blackness, Isis found me and brought me back to the living chambers. She said I had been crouched in the corner, talking to myself. I don't remember that particular part of the experience, but I trust her word. Not sure how I feel about knowing that, but I suppose… it was an inkling of knowing I wasn't really alone.

My yami is a terrifying, strange creature.

I need him.

**_All night,  
I'm hearing voices telling me,  
That I should get some sleep,  
Because tomorrow might be good,  
For something. _**

Some days, I wake up and look at the sun and want to scream in frustration and make blood spill and let it run in red rivers through the street… And in those times, I'm not sure if I'm me or my yami, and I'm not sure if there's even a difference between the two of us, because we're so alike and yet… different.

And in those times when he talks to me and encourages me to vent my rage and turn it on everything I've ever loved and treasured, I hate him and love him for the very thing that he is, that part of me, separate, joined, bonded, broken.

**_Hold on,  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a  
Breakdown.  
I don't know why. _**

And then I run.

I scare Isis, my big sister, I'll take off and disappear for days or sometimes weeks on end, and she knows better to come after me when I'm like this. Sometimes I sneak back to the house and hide and watch as she paces, nervous, worried, waiting for me to come home.

I always come home, though.

Sometimes in tears.

Sometimes in blood.

But I always come home.

**_I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little unwell.  
I know right now you can't tell,  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,  
A different side of me.  
I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little impaired.  
I know right now you don't care,  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,  
And how I used to be. _**

And then sometimes, it's so easy.

Sometimes, everything just falls into place and everything seems wonderful. And I don't have to worry, I know everything's going to be ok, and I'm ok too. At those times, I know my yami would never hurt me, would never hurt Isis, would never do anything to upset me; on the contrary, he will whisper in my mind like a cool desert breeze and tell me I mean everything to him.

And I believe him.

**_See me,  
Talking to myself in public,  
And dodging glances on the train. _**

****And on those precious days, I like to wander, and explore.

We moved around a lot, but when we settled down I took to spending all the daylight hours scouring the city, just to see what there was. A number of nightly hours were devoted to this task as well, but Isis got so harried over it I finally cut back.

My yami didn't like that, but he wouldn't do anything to 'give me tears'.

Gods, how I need him.

He's my sanity.

**_I know,  
I know they've all been talking 'bout me.  
I can hear them whisper,  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong  
With me. _**

****They loathe him, and I don't care.

How can I care what they think, when they don't understand… and the ones that _do_ understand…

I'm afraid of them.

I'm not afraid to admit my fear of that… there's a lot of things that I'm afraid of.

My yami is one of them.

**_Out of all the hours thinking,  
Somehow...  
I've lost my mind. _**

****But there are those nights when he tickles the back of my neck just to get me to squirm, and then he puts me in his lap and whispers Egyptian lullabies in my ear all night long, and I forgot about sleeping because I only need to hear his voice. Mine, but not. His, but still some of my tones, all blended together, mumbling nothings into my hair and chuckling occasionally when he remembers something or when I try to sing back to him but don't know the words and end up humming.

And he'll take me out to the rooftops and point out the stars to me… I never saw the stars growing up, they were always separated from me by tons of rock and sand and tradition.

Cold, brilliant-bright, beautiful stars.

Not like him.

**_But I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little unwell.  
I know right now you can't tell,  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,  
A different side of me.  
I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little impaired.  
I know right now you don't care,  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,  
And how I used to be. _**

You see, he loves me. He has no choice. He must love me, that's the only thing that completes him the way it completes me. Yami… hikari… so strange a concept. Because we don't exactly balance each other out… there's too much dark.

But… there must be something, must be, must be, must must must…

Balance.

We don't balance each other.

But _something_ has to.

It must.

We don't know what it is.

My yami says that he doesn't care.

I'd like to know, though.

**_Talking in my sleep,  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me,  
They'll be taking me away. _**

And it can melt away so fast. Like a flood of sun and blood and fire, it's all gone, and there's a little spot, little-little, of knowing it's all going and you can't stop it, and I beg and scream and curse and cry for it to be over. And then I laugh and shriek and command it, because it's me, and I can't remember why I ever locked such a part of me away, such a beautiful part that can't be contained.

I'm not sure what I like better.

**_I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little unwell.  
I know right now you can't tell,  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,  
A different side of me.  
I'm not crazy,  
I'm just a little impaired.  
I know right now you don't care,  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,  
And how I used to be. _**

And I can't decide if I care either way.

* * *

_"Unwell" - Matchbox 20_


	3. Burdened : Yami

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**Burdened: Yami**

**_Something is wrong with the sum of us,  
That I can't seem to erase._**

You don't see it, do you, little Light ?

Maybe that's for the best. You shouldn't have to sleep with those nightmares.

The nightmares… are the least of this poison, though.  
  
**_How can I be the only one,  
Without a smile on my face ?_**

I watch you with your friends; I find it so hard to believe that once, they barely knew you existed. Who could see your light and not want to be near it ? Maybe they were just fools. But now they're friends, good ones at that, and you're grateful for that. You wished for that, I heard you.

_'I want a friend.'_

At the time… I had no idea who or what I was… I was too disoriented from the Puzzle being in pieces. Our bond was only just beginning to form then, but even then, it was strong enough for me to listen to you.

_'Who are you ?'  
  
__ 'Who are you ?'_

_'Let's play a game, Ushio.'_

_ 'What did you do ?'_

Did I startle you, my little Light ? I was acting on pure instinct, some forgotten drive that was augmented by a newfound desire to protect you. And then you questioned me, and I had no answers for you, did I ?

And yet… you still trusted me.

Even with the your tormentor curled into a pathetic ball, whimpering to himself; how could he comprehend what I had done to him ? Even **_I_** barely understood it.

Even then… you trusted me.

I was a spirit, a Darkness, and all you did was look at me and thank me shyly for protecting you.

Little Aibou.

**_You're laughing out loud,  
At just the thought of being alive,  
And I was wondering,  
Could I just be you tonight ? _**

It's late, the night warm and gently raining, and you're out on the back porch, leaning over the railing and letting the raindrops run over your fingers. Delight visible on your face. Happiness in your movements, carefree in your thoughts.

/Come out, Yami./ You coax.

Could I ever deny you anything ?

The rain doesn't touch me, but you try to splash me anyway. Then you're out, actually dancing in the tepid drizzle, even though you know your Grandfather will chastise you for it later.

Does nothing in this world trouble you, little Light ?

**_You show your pain like it really hurts,  
And I can't even start to feel mine._**

And some nights, when you're asleep, curled beneath the blankets in a position half-defensive, half-natural, I watch over you from the doorway and wonder what I ever did to deserve such a bond with you.

And other nights, when you come knocking on my soul room door, even though you know I would never deny you entrance. I see the small unease settling in your eyes, but it brightens when you find me.

I can always read you in your eyes.

Sometimes, you help the memories return.

Do you remember ?

I do.

You crept cautiously into my soul room while I was immersed in a new memory. And when I came out of it, you were watching me with inquisitiveness. "Can I see too ?" you asked.

"It's not a very good memory."

"Oh. I'm sorry it's a bad memory."

"No, aibou, that's not what I meant." How precious you are, my little one. "I only meant, it's very vague. Do you still wish to see ?"

"Yes please, Yami."

**_And I'm standing in place with my head high,  
And I shake I shake I shake…  
And I see your progress stretched out for miles and miles._**

'We won !'

'We did indeed.'

And your friends swarm around you, congratulating you, somehow knowing to _wait_ until I am able to retract to the Puzzle before ruffling your hair and the like. I find that part amusing.

And later, when we're alone, and you look at me and smile your delight. "That was a great duel, wasn't it Yami ?"

"It was, aibou."

"And we did it together."

Never doubt your purity, little one, it shines from you as tangibly as the Light you are.

**_You're laughing out loud,  
At just the thought of being alive,  
And I was wondering,  
Could I just be you tonight ? _**

****There are those memories that I don't show you, though.

The ones even I recoil at.

I'm so afraid of sullying that purity with such horrors. I can handle them; they are mine, after all. Those are the ones I keep sealed away, not behind locked doors, but behind guarded shields.

It hurts to keep them from you, little Light.

We said we would share everything.

But…

**_This is the sound that I make,  
These are the words I chose,  
But somehow the right thing to say,  
Just won't come out._**

Only once.

I tried to tell you.

You didn't understand. Brow furrowed, trying to figure out my words, I'd twisted them to make them gentle for you and ended up distorting what I'd tried to say in the first place.

"What do you mean, Yami ?"

Oh, aibou, how could I even think about sharing such darkness with you ? Had I lost my mind ? You didn't deserve that knowledge… you are far too good for that.

"Nothing, hikari. Just thinking aloud. It's not important."

**_'Cuz you're laughing out loud,  
At just the thought of being alive,  
And I was wondering,  
Could I just be you tonight ? _**

You're sleeping again, lost in pleasant dreams.  
  
**_I was wondering,  
Could I just be you tonight ? _**

Dream peacefully for us both, aibou.

* * *

_"Could I Be You ?" - Matchbox 20_


	4. Enamored : Marik

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**Enamoured: Marik**

There you are…

**_Breathe in the night,  
_****_That crushed a tired sunrise.  
_****_Born again the day,  
_****_Brings young naïveté._**

Innocent, naïve Other.

Precious, pretty, glitter like the sun Other.

So bright, bright-bright, little bit of fire, coax it up, burn it bright, don't let it go out.

Swept out all the shadows, put them aside, let me have them, need them need them want-want-want, MINE ! All mine.

Just like the Pretty Other.

So soft. Frail. Meek-bold.

**_A laptop souvenir is worth its weight  
_****_In silver; a golden son.  
_****_You'll be home again,  
_****_And I'll be whole again._**

Bright like spring sun, un-burning, Pretty Other is all soft gold.

Only one that colour.

Pretty Other not like other colours. Others are black and gold, and silver and black, and blue and silver, and gold and lavender.

And red and black. Pretty Other's Other, red and black. Red like blood and black like shadows and enamored of pretty soft gold.

**_Mend in my sleep,  
_****_I'm boxing under water.  
_****_Waddle on the wake,  
_****_Waking on a summer day._**

Pretty sleeping Other. Sleep-sleep, smile in sleep, what are you dreaming, my Pretty Other ?

Tell Pretty Other's Other ?

Want to know.

Need to know.

Want-need-want-need, tell now, Pretty Other.

**_After all these years,  
_****_Forget about all the troubled times.  
_****_Munificent, artless and ascetic,  
_****_Playing like a scared,  
_****_Enthusiastic pawn._**

****Was good, all power and fire and blood and sun and more power.

Pretty Other liked it, did, DID, Pretty Other's Other knows you'll never admit it, but you liked it, adored it, wanted it, wanted Pretty Other's Other to burn and fight and control.

Wanted. Wished. Granted !

Would do again for Pretty Other.

Would always do again.

**_And every father's pain,  
_****_Casts a shadow over a broken son.  
_****_You'll be whole again,  
_****_And I'll be whole again._**

Revenge for my Pretty Other, rip and tear and curse and banish, all for my Pretty Other. No sad, no more, never again, promise my Pretty Other. Pretty Other's Other takes care of you now. Don't care who, not what, not how, all taken care of.

Never worry. Pretty Other's Other will take vengeance for hurts. All hurts, past, future, never let Pretty Other be hurt ever-ever-ever again.

All for Pretty Other. Everything for Pretty Other.

All the world, Pretty Other, you want ?

I would bring it to your feet.

**_All those years,  
_****_I was hurting to feel…  
_****_Something more than life…_**

Not… not unaware.

Not… mind-wild.

All think so, though.

I'm not.

I understand, my Pretty Other, I understand it _all_.

* * *

_"After All These Years" - Silverchair_


	5. Stained : Ryou

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**  
Stained: Ryou**

**_Feels like you made a mistake,  
You made somebody's heart break._**

I listen as the door slams downstairs.

You haven't left.

I guess the sound just satisfies you, for some reason. One of your many quirks. You do the same with your soul room door when you're mad, and the echoes last a long, long time in the hallway between our rooms.

Did you know that ?  
  
**_But now I have to let you go.  
I have to let you go._**

I look around; you've broken more of my things than I could ever hope to replace. I put the fragments of glass in the wastebasket. At least you didn't shatter the window tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday and I wouldn't be able to get it replaced, would I ?

I can't hide my things… to do so would invite you to search for them, and then to destroy them when you found them, punishment for my supposed, attempted deception. Actually… most of them, I don't worry about. Even the pictures… my fragile pictures. You've destroyed the frames often... but the pictures seem to be safe. You'll just glare at them and throw them to the floor and stomp away.

What is you see in those pictures, yami ?

What is it you _really_ see ?

**_You left a stain on every one of my good days._**

I'm tired of hiding to hide my bruises -- your bruises -- your damned marks.

I'm tired of having to force smiles at my friends and tell them everything is ok, even when _I_ know that _they_ know that everything is far, far from **_fine_**.

I'm tired of not being able to spend time with the people I care about because you've lost your temper and forbidden me, and then enforced your decision by making me to weak to leave, even if I was able to disobey you.

I'm tired… I'm just so tired, yami.

Did you notice ?

Do you care ?  
  
**_But I am stronger than you know  
I have to let you go._**

No more, yami, no more.

You laughed at me once and asked me why I didn't get rid of the Ring. I didn't tell you and you guessed, "Because you're too weak."

No, yami, that's not it. Far from it.

You're mine, part of me… why would I discard something that is so clearly, preciously, painfully mine ?

And why should anyone else have to endure your rages and furies ? I can handle them.

I have been. I always will.

**_No one's ever turned you over,  
No one's tried to ever let you down._**

Yes, I know the consequences for disobeying you.

Haven't I endured them like you wanted ?

Even learned how not to cry, for you ?  
  
**_Beautiful Dark, bless your heart._**

Please understand.

**_I got a disease, deep inside me,  
Makes me feel uneasy, yami,  
I can't live without you, tell me  
What am I supposed to do about it ?  
_****_Keep your distance from me,  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease._**

I can't do it, not anymore. I've tried… I've tried so hard.

Please… tell me at least, that you've noticed that much.

Please, yami…

**_Feels like you're making a mess,  
You've put through hell, I confess._**

But I shouldn't have to.

I know you're my Dark and the other half of my soul and that why I shouldn't have to.

**_You drove me to the fire,  
And left me there to burn._**

You've left me no choice, yami.

I have to.

**_Everything little thing you do is tragic,  
All my life before was magic._**

I remember when I got the Ring.

Father gave it to me and I put it on… it felt like the right thing to do. And I knew, somehow, that something -- you -- were inside, even though I couldn't figure out what this new presence in my mind was. I was young, remember. You remember. I had to grow up for you.

Don't you remember what it was like ?

I do.

I keep the memory vivid for you so that you can remember it to, but you never want to see that memory and I can't understand why… I was so happy… you were happy, weren't you ? You said you were. And you've never lied to me. You've twisted your words and mangled the truth and tricked my mind, but you've never lied to me.

_Can_ you lie to me, yami, can you lie to your hikari ?

I wish, in a way, that you could.

So that I would know you _didn't_ lie to me… by choice.  
  
**_Beautiful Dark, I can't breathe…_**

Please don't be mad.

**_I got a disease, deep inside me,  
Makes me feel uneasy, yami,  
I can't live without you, tell me  
What am I supposed to do about it ?  
_****_Keep your distance from me,  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease._**

No…

What am I doing ?

**_I think that I'm sick.  
But leave me be,  
While my world is coming down on me._**

I… I can't.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm so weak that I can accomplish nothing.

But if this is weakness, yami, then I don't care. I'll try to be strong for you like you want me to be but I'll always be weak inside because that's what keeps you with me. I need you here, want you here, I'm so sorry I even considered it.

How could I think…

I almost betrayed you. You would have been taken from me.

I'm sorry, yami, so sorry…  
  
**_Be strong,  
Keep telling myself that it won't take long.  
_****_Until I'm free of my disease._**

"Ryou ?"

I'm forcing another one of those smiles.

"It's nothing, Yugi. I'm ok."

* * *

_"Disease" - Matchbox 20  
(with minor changes)_


	6. Distressed : Yugi

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part I: Afflictions**

* * *

**Distressed: Yugi**

**_Hang out your window,  
_****_And over my head.  
_****_Stare at your feelings,  
_****_To see where they end._**

I have to smile as I dry off; he's not paying attention to me at the moment.

Ok, so I went dancing in the rain. It seemed like a fun idea at the time. Then there was the one-sided water fight. I won -- really. Grandpa rolled his eyes when I came in dripping on the carpet and shooed me upstairs to change. Then I had to clean up the puddles I'd left. Oops.

When I finally got done, I found the storm had picked up. So while I was getting ready for bed, he sat, enthralled with the lightning storm outside my bedroom window. The brilliant white light floods the room every few seconds. I can see his reflection in the window.

He looks… mesmerized.

I turn off the lamp so we can see outside better.

**_You're waiting here,  
_****_For someone else to break you  
_****_From the inside._**

But…

There's something wrong, I can tell.

He hasn't said anything about it, but I know there's something bothering him. What it is, I can't imagine. If I ask him about it, he just smiles at me and tells me it's nothing important. But… lately, those words seem so hollow… as though it hurts to say them to me.

Sometimes, he doesn't even answer me at all, just sort of stares moodily off into space as though trying to figure out a particularly challenging riddle. The link between us is always quiet during these times… not blocked, he never blocks it, but sort of… muted, so that I can only get the vaguest of feelings.

Unease.

Sorrow ?

Is it something I've done ?

**_You've been so composed…_**

Tell me what it is, please ? I hate to see you so troubled…

We've been through so much together, haven't we ? Duelist Kingdom… Battle City… all the things, all the troubles that the Millennium Items seem to draw. We've beaten them all, and we did it together… how can you not trust me with this, too ?

Don't you remember how much it hurt… when I didn't trust you ?

I do. Like I was locking away a part of me.

You said you never wanted that again.

That we would share everything.

So… why now ?

Why are you keeping this secret from me ?

**_But we all know there's...  
_****_Always something tearing you apart.  
_****_It's always so much longer than you counted on.  
_****_And it hits you so much harder than you thought._**

I wonder if it's his memories…

I know he's been getting a lot of them back lately… and I'm happy for him, really, I am ! to go into his soul room and find him immersed in a memory that's making him smile that little… almost smirk, and I want to laugh but I don't want to disturb him so I'm quiet.

On those nights… he's so happy.

So happy.

But then it's like he remembers something, and then he closes up again, you know ? Like something that he's remembered is the most horrible thing and he's trying to protect me from it.

Is that it ? What are you protecting me from, Yami ?

Yourself ?

Why would I ever fear you ?

**_But you don't worry,  
_****_You don't worry,  
_****_'Cuz you got soul._**

I'm always gonna be there for him, just like he'll always be there for me. That's our promise, just like our bond.

Even when that bond was hurt… when the Puzzle was shattered… it was still there. It's grown beyond the Puzzle as an Item now.

I won't ever, **_ever_** lose that faith.

**_You're so heavy, you're so misunderstood.  
_****_I spent all my wishes, wishing times were good.  
_****_When I still could._**

He's like… like a guardian angel.

A Dark angel, yes, but I've come to understand that no angel composed entirely of Light is strong enough to last. The world's too dirty. I remember that side of life, I lived it until Yami emerged when I solved the Puzzle.

I remember Ushio.

Yami won't apologize for that and I don't expect him too. I don't particularly… agree… with what happened, but Yami only did it to protect me. I know that. And he's promised never to go against me like he did with Kaiba and I know I can trust him.

How can I **_not_** trust him ?

**_Wait around here,  
_****_For someone else to take me,  
_****_Past the good side._**

But… everything's changed.

You don't think I hear the nights you spend pacing, in your room or outside mine while you think I'm asleep. Those are the times that I really want -- need -- to know what's going on. What's happening to you, Yami ?

Why won't you trust _me_ ?

**_You've been here so long now…_**

Sometimes he scares me. Sometimes he's so intimidating, so… regal, you know ? Untouchable.

I mean, I know he was Pharaoh, but sometimes, he still scares me. Little things, like the way he looks sidelong at someone, almost like they were beneath him. Or they way his eyes lose their violet undertones and go all crimson, bright and angry, when he sees something he doesn't like. The way he stares down opponents in the Dueling field. I've never been on the receiving end of that stare, but…

I think that would scare me too.

There's still so much I don't understand. Still things **_he_** doesn't understand about himself !

It's so apparent.

But I still don't get it.

**_You don't show there's  
_****_Always something tearing you apart…_**

Tell me…

I'm here for you…

* * *

_"Soul" - Matchbox 20_


	7. Silver : Bakura & Ryou

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part II: Precious Metals**

* * *

**Silver :**** Bakura & Ryou**

**_I wonder how you sleep ?  
I wonder what you think of me ?  
If I could go back,  
Would you have ever been with me ?_**

//Do you think I have not thought about it ? Even before I know you existed, I cursed my own foolishness for trying to steal the Millennium Ring. I cursed the Pharaoh for sealing away the Shadow Games, even I know that was an action he hated to do, even if he doesn't remember. No… I think about it all the time. If I had not been imprisoned in the Ring… what would become of you, my Weak Light ?//

//Would you go through your life as meekly as you had before I came ? Picked on and bullied and unable to defend yourself ? Carted around countries like part of your father's luggage, unable to take charge of your life ?//

//Would you even exist ? You _are_ my reincarnation… if I hadn't been sealed in the Ring, what form would your soul have taken ? Or would it have dissipated to the winds, never to know my presence ?//

//Would you have been happier that way ?//  
  
**_I want you to be uneased,  
I want you to remember,  
I want you to believe in me,_**

/I wish you knew how much you meant to me. Every time you're unhappy, I am too, but I'm afraid, since trying to cheer you only makes it worse. You are always at your worst when I am at my best… what is it about me that scares you, yami ?/

/Every time I try to agree with you, or help you, or hint that I care… you fly into a rage, as though trying your damnedest to tear this fragile relationship to shreds and leave me in tears and tattered hopes, why is that ?/

/And when I don't condemn you for it… it's like you'd summon Hell just to prove me wrong./

/Why is it you need me to hate you ?/

**_I want you on my side. _**

//Do you hate me ?//

/Do you hate me ?/

//I don't understand you.//

/I don't understand you./

**_Come on, lay it down.  
I've always been with you, _**

/Even before I got the Ring… I knew something was not quite right. Like I was somehow incomplete, missing something. But what ? I was me, wasn't I ? How whole can a person be with themselves, if there is nothing wrong ?/

/And then you came./

/ Everything fascinated you, and you told me things that held me spellbound. You were so incredibly suspicious, so wonderfully curious. You wanted to know about everything, and I laughed because everything I showed you, I only showed you once and you remembered it./

/And you were suspicious of me, too, but I understood that, and you got over it quickly, didn't you ?/

/It was wonderful… you _cared_, yami, damn you, I _know_ you did./

/Don't deny it. The memory's there, shining and bright and you **_know_** it's there./

/I'm keeping it for you./

**_  
Here and now, give all that's within you.  
Be my savior, and I'll be your downfall. _**

//No, I didn't remember much. Joining with you somehow screwed up all the memories I'd so carefully preserved from my imprisonment. I knew who I was… but little else. I remembered Egypt. I remembered nothing of the Pharaoh, nothing of the Shadow Games, nothing of the curse that sealed me within the Ring in the first place. I was empty all over again.//

//I only wanted to live again.//

//I learned. I learned everything you taught.//

//I… did care.//

//And then I remembered.//

**_Here we go again,  
Ashamed of being broken in._**

/Yes, then you remembered, you rediscovered your hatreds and your vows of revenge, didn't you ?/

/And they changed you, or maybe they just changed you _back_, I don't know. But you suddenly hated everything, even me. I thought it was something I had done. You wanted the Millennium Items and I agreed to help if only to return you to the way you had been./

/But you wanted to hurt my friends./

/How could you ask me to do that ?/

**_Getting off track._**  
**_I want to get you back again._**

//Didn't you get it ? With the power of the Items I could reclaim everything that Pharaoh ever took from me ! Why should I be meek and powerless because he ruled 5000 years ago ?!//

//I only asked for your help ! I would even have brought the stupid mortals back if it troubled you so much. If it would have made you happier, I could have taken the power without destroying a single soul, but you turned on me !//

//But I guess I taught you that, didn't I ?//

//And here I thought you'd never learned a thing.//

**_I want you to trouble me,  
I wanted you to linger, _**

/Even after all you did to me, I never wanted you to leave. When Yami Yugi sent you to the Graveyard, he might as well have sent me too, why stop at only half of my soul ? But you came back, I was so scared you wouldn't… you were so angry I'd betrayed you… you made me split my loyalties, I was only being strong like you swore you'd make me./

/But you weren't angry at me./

/At my actions, yes, but not at me./

/And I thought, could you be changing back ?/

/I can hope./

/I _will_ hope./

**_  
I want you to agree with me,_**

//See it my way.//

/See it my way./

//It's all I've known.//

/It's all I've known./

**_I want so much so bad._**

//Why won't you understand ?//

/Why won't you understand ?/

**_Come on, lay it down.  
I've always been with you, _**

/Before birth./

//Across time.//

/Beyond death./

//Despite fate.//

**_Here and now,  
With all that's within you._**

//So what now ?//

/So what now ?/

**_Be my savior,  
And I'll be your downfall._**

///We'll make it work.///

* * *

_"Downfall" – Matchbox 20_


	8. Copper : Marik & Malik

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part II: Precious Metals**

* * *

**Copper : Marik & Malik**

///You're so real…///

**_Yes I am, I hope you think you read me.  
Hope I start talking crazy, before you understand me._**

//Crazy like mind-wild, Pretty Other ? No, you're not ! Not-not-not, I checked, I peeked, shhh, shhh, don't tell, I was only playing a little game, wanted to see, wanted to know, know now ! You're not !//

/I may as well be ! Half the time I don't know who I am, whether I'm you or me or what the hell, I knew there was a difference somewhere but I've forgotten what it is now -- and quit playing with my hair !/

//Silly Pretty Other !//  
  
**_Are we through ?  
You think that I'm beneath you,  
But you like the things that I do !  
Wrap 'em up and take 'em with you !_**

//Liked, adored, wanted, wanted more, did Pretty Other !//

/Yeah./

//Knew it, knew it, knew it !//

/Who wouldn't ? Any one of them, I'd challenge any one of those hypocrites to taste the power I --/

//WE !//

/-- The power WE held and then give it up willingly, it's not so easy, it's like trying to drown yourself, it's so much easier to keep going than to turn around./

//Agree ! Was hot like fire, hot like sun, move like blood, flow-flow-flow, power together.//

/And it's all gone, now./

//Want back ?//

/No ! Yes… I don't know./

//If you want, Pretty Other, if you want.//

**_I'm all right, hope I can sleep for one night,  
If not to cool my insides, maybe to calm my bad side._**

//Who's bad ?//

/ARGH !/

//Part of you, part of Pretty Other, if Pretty Other's Other is bad than Pretty Other is bad too and Pretty Other's Other knows Pretty Other isn't bad, not bad, soft-meek inside, know-know-know.//

/Stop !/

//Why, Pretty Other ?//  
  
**_Rain on me, I got a weakness in me.  
I think that weakness feeds me,  
I don't think you think you need me !_**

/You need me !/

//You need me !//

/I hate you !/

//No you don't !//

/Stop arguing with me !/

//Silly Pretty Other !//

/I hate you, I drove you out of me in the first place because I hated you !/

//No-no-no, Pretty Other ! You needed me, needed me to be real just for you, only for you, pretty Pretty Other, needed me separate but safe, always there, linger-linger never go away, always be, you needed.//

/You killed him./

//Silly Pretty Other not be so sullen, you wanted it, wanted it, DID want, Pretty Other's Other knows.//

/I didn't !/

//DID.//

/Why ?/

//Why ?//

**_Sunshine, you're the best time  
I ever, ever had.  
But I think I made you feel bad.  
Time after time._**

//Bright like sun, like fire, precious little flame. Bright like copper, shining-bright, copper taste like blood. Turned Pretty Other's Other loose and then cried, salt-tears, didn't know why, tell why, you wanted but you cried, why is that, Pretty Other ?//

/You know./

//Cried because Pretty Other's Other was free.//

/Yeah./

//But Pretty Other cried when Pretty Other's Other was not free.//

/… Yeah./

**_But when the sun starts sinking on your beautiful soul,  
Make you cry, cry baby, make you feel so cold.  
Don't you know it's all right, sometimes,  
You just got to show how you feel  
'Cuz that's you baby, yeah, you're so real._**

//Pretty Other makes no sense.//

/Now **_that's_** the pot calling the kettle black !/

//Kettle-pot ?//

/… Never mind./

//Pot-kettle ?//

/Yami, **_drop it_**./

//Heh, short tempered, silly Pretty Other.//

**_Run it round in your head  
Like you don't know what's on the inside  
You don't know me too well,  
You ain't seen my bad side !_**

/What side of you _isn't_ bad ?!/

//… Not nice, Pretty Other.//

/Touch a nerve, did I ?/

//Pretty Other's Other is exactly what Pretty Other needs to be, only for Pretty Other, always. Protect-always, care-always, exist for Pretty Other only.//

/I know./

//Not hate Pretty Other's Other, not-not-not.//

/No./

//Knew it ! Need Pretty Other's Other.//

/I'm not _dependant_ !/

//No ?//

/No !/

//No.//

/No./

//…//

/But don't leave me ever again./

//Won't.//  
  
**_Shame on me,  
Shame on the things that I'd be.  
If you could complicate me,  
If you could get inside me._**

/I hate you for hurting what I care about and I love you for protecting me and I need you to be here or I'll go insane without you./

//Love-hate-need, Pretty Other's Other never leave, never.//

**_Sometimes, you're the best time,  
I've ever, ever known.  
When you've got your wicked smile on._**

/And I did love it, the power we had, control beyond imagining and I want it back. I sleep and I dream and wish for that power again and I know you'd give it to me in a second and I love you for that and I hate you because you can give it back to me./

//Only need to ask, Pretty Other, only ask.//

/I can't !/

//Can !//

/No… no, no, no, no, no./

//Why not ?//

/Promised ! I promised I wouldn't, it's not something I need !/

//But want.//

/Yes-NO-please no./

//Why confused ? Want or not ?//  
  
**_But I've cried for the last time,  
Something just don't feel right._**

/No, keep it, keep it away./

//Pretty Other sure ?//

/Yes… yes, no more, make it go away./

//Done. For Pretty Other, only ask, Pretty Other's Other care for Pretty Other, protect.//

**_And you always know just who you are,  
You never needed someone else,  
To realize yourself I'm all right._**

//Pretty Other cry ?//

/… Yeah./

//Pretty Other sad ?//

/No./

//Pretty Other's Other make Pretty Other cry ?//

/Yeah, but it's ok./

//Is here, Pretty Other's Other here.//

/I know. Thanks./

//Always, precious Pretty Other.//  
  
**_Hope I can…_**

* * *

_"You're So Real" – Matchbox 20_


	9. Gold : Yami & Yugi

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part II: Precious Metals**

* * *

**Gold :**** Yami & Yugi**

**_Run, running all the time._****_  
Running to the future,  
With you right by my side._**

//What did I ever do to deserve you ?//

//What god deigned itself to make a creature of perfection ?//

//And what fate was spiteful enough to try and taint you with your other half ?//

//And yet, here we are. Bonded together, partners, aibous, yami and hikari and perfectly balanced, now.

//… Maybe not the last part. But I try, aibou, I try.

**_Me,_** **_I'm the one you chose ?  
Out of all the people,  
You wanted me the most. _**

/But why ?/

/Why me ?/

/I was a nobody, little -- in more ways than one -- Yugi Motou. The one nobody noticed. Or if they did notice, it was for the wrong reasons. But that was the way things were. And then…/

/You intimidated me at first, your confidence, your pride, your skill. I saw you at first as… as a better version of me, and that scared me. All I could think was that I was not good enough, and you had been sent or summoned to replace me. I was scared and angry and ashamed./

/Besides… how could I have known, then, what you were ? You were… me./

/Yet you weren't. You're not. You need me the way I needed you, to complete each other, you were Dark and I was Light and it all made perfect sense once we were together, didn't it ? In fact, I couldn't imagine ever being apart again, it seems so ridiculous to imagine it. Wouldn't that be just like… being half a self ? Who would _ever_ want to be half a self ?/  
  
**_And I'm so sorry that I've fallen.  
Help me up, let's keep on running.  
Don't let me fall out of faith. _**

//I've tried not to betray your trust, but I've kept so much from you… tell me it's not too late. I only did it to protect you… I didn't want to hurt you.

//I didn't want you to fear me.

//Even when I feared myself, what creature had I become, you latched onto me and dragged me back from the edge of an abyss I could not fathom, and you did it without earning a single taint and that frightened me, for how could I compete with something so pure and innocent ?//

**_Running, running as fast as we can._****_  
Do you think we'll make it?  
Do you think we'll make it?  
We're running, keep holding my hand,  
So we don't get separated._**

//I can't even ask for forgiveness, what's the point ? Forgiveness is for those who deserve it, though you've never kept to that particular tenant, have you, my precious hikari ? You forgive anyone and everyone, before they even ask, always willing to see some brightness within them that no one else can see -- and it's hurt you before. I've watched your eyes fill with tears when you've been betrayed. It hurts you and your pain is mine, doubled, because what comfort can I offer you then, my little Light ?//

//They betray you and you are always, always ready to forgive them, time after time, naively, hopefully, waiting for a change.//

//I would punish them and shatter them for daring to hurt you and yet you won't let me, because you've already forgiven them and are waiting for them to see things your way, and you are the only thing that restrains me, because you know I would never go against you.//

/I know./

//You don't fear me ?//

/Maybe. Maybe I do. It's more, I fear what you can **_do_**, not you. But it's a healthy fear. Hehehe, I don't have a conscience, I have a yami instead ! A wiser voice than my own, who tells me to be careful when I'd usually get myself into trouble./

//Because I care.

/I know./

**_Be, be the one I need.  
Be the one I trust most,  
Don't stop inspiring me._**

/Everything was so… hard before you came./

//I know.

/I thought that was the way it was going to be, forever. I thought it would never change, why should it change, I thought I _deserved_ it --/

//Never !//

/I know that now ! But I didn't then ! Sometimes, I still think it'd be that way, without you. If you were ever to go away, do you think it would start again ? Do you think that things would go back to the way they were before ?/

//I will never leave.

/I'm still asking./

//I will **_never_** leave you.

/I was too weak to change things on my own. You had to help. You _always_ help. You're _always_ there. When I need help **_you're always there_** -- the things I could have never, ever done on my own…/

//Please stop !//

/But it's true ! And you know it's true !/

//Aibou, please !//  
  
**_Sometimes it's hard to keep on running,  
We work so much to keep it going.  
Don't let me want to give up._**

/I'm sorry./

/Yami ?/

/Yami, answer me./

//I'm here…//

/Yami… tears ?/

//You were upset.

/Tears over me ?/

//Yes.//

/Why ?!/

//How can I not ? I've upset you.

/No, no, no…/  
  
**_Running, running as fast as we can  
I really hope we make it  
Do you think we'll make it?  
We're running, keep holding my hand  
So we don't get separated_**

/Please… it's all right. I got a little carried away. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault./

//Some days I wonder how you can stand me at all, after all we've been through.//

/After all we've been through, I can't stand to be _apart_ from you. You're always worried about hurting me, aren't you, harming me in some way ?/

//Yes.//

/But you would never./

//I'm still afraid. You've seen what I can do. You've seen what I've **_done_**. I should not… I dare not.

/Shhh… I'm not scared of you, Yami./

//… No ?//

/No./

//… My _meri-ket_.//

/Hehehe, I don't know what that means./

//Do you wish me to tell you ?//

/No, I kind of like not knowing. It sounds nice, though -- hey, I made you laugh !/

//You always seem to, aibou.

**_Running as fast as we can  
I really hope we make it  
Do you think we'll make it?  
We're running, keep holding my hand  
So we don't get separated_**

/Everything ok now ?/

//Yes.//

/You scare me when you do that./

//Do what, hikari ?//

/Go all guilty on me. You blame yourself for everything, even things you can't control./

//I just don't want to see you hurt.///

**_The future…_**

/Yami ?/

//Yes ?//

/Thank you./

//… For what ?//

/Just… thank you./

//…You're welcome, my _meri-ket_.//

* * *

_"Running" – No Doubt  
meri-ket - "little love"_


	10. Topaz : Malik

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

**Topaz :**** Malik**

/I hate you… you tricked me… you lied to me./

//You fooled yourself, my pretty, precious Pretty Other.

**_Perfect by nature, icon of self-indulgence.  
Just what we all need, more lies about a world…  
That never was and never will be. _**

****/I can't… I don't… how could you…/

//Shimmer-shimmer tears… ?//

/Yes ! **_YES_** ! Tears ! Is that what you wanted ?! **FINE**, you've made me **CRY**, I hope you're **_HAPPY_** !! Was _this_ what you wanted to see ? _Was it ?!_ **_WAS IT ?!_**/

//…//

/Silence. Yeah. Coward./

//What do you want me to say, Pretty Other ?//

/Nothing. Go away. I never want to be near you again./

//Pretty Other -- //

**_/DON"T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN !!/ _**

****//Let me explain, precious, precious Pretty Other…//

**_Have you no shame, don't you see me ?  
You know, you've got everybody fooled._**

/Thought you were so clever, didn't you… so clever, damn you, I hate you, I **_loathe_** you./

//No, you don't.

/Don't you _dare_ tell me how I feel ! You're not… you're just a… a… thing, **_A THING_**, do you hear me, some twisted creature, some monster ! I want nothing to do with you !/

//You don't have a choice ! I _am_ you, my Pretty Other, for all you're screaming and crying and you can strike me all you want and I'm still here… you can't lock me away… you can't destroy me… I am you… and you are me… don't you remember, my Pretty Other ? Let me show you…//

/No, no…/

//Remember, Pretty Other ? Look… there we are… in memories… partners… what's the word the Pharaoh always uses… aibous… _yes_… don't you remember, Pretty Other ? We're the same, exactly the same…//  
  
**_Look, here you come now, bow down and stare in wonder.  
Oh, how we love you, no flaws when you're pretending.  
But now I know you never were and never will be. _**

/I hate you. If that is the only thing I will ever remember, I'll be content. I hate you, and I'll always hate you. That is what you are… Hate. Fear. Pain. Fury. That's all you'll ever be. You're not like the others. You're not like me. You're nothing like me./

//You're bound to me and I to you.

/I will break that bond./

//Only if you die, my precious Pretty Other, only then.

/Then I will !/

//You won't !//

/You WON'T control me anymore ! You can't, you can't, I won't let you, I'm not your Other, I'm not !/

//I wouldn't let you die, my Pretty Other, because I care for you.

/Care ?! You.. you… no, you don't, you can't, Creature, yami-dark, you twisted _thing_, you don't know --/

//You showed me.

/No, no, STOP. Go away. Leave me alone./  
  
**_You don't know how you betrayed me.  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled. _**

//Little-little, precious, Pretty Other.

/No… please, no./

//Have I hurt you ?//

/I... I… what ?/

//Have I ? Have I ever hurt you or Isis-sister, or anyone important to you, anyone who would give you tears, have I, my Pretty Other ?//

/… No…/

//Why not ?//

/I… I…/

//More tears, Pretty Other… truth brings tears ?//  
  
**_Without the mask, where will you hide ?  
Can't find yourself, lost in your lies ?_**

/They'll take you… they'll pull you away from me…/

//They only think they can. You said it yourself, my Pretty Other, I'm different. I'm bound to you. They can't take me away. You won't let them.

/You need me./

//As you need me.  
  
**_I know the truth now,  
I know who you are.  
And I don't love you anymore._**

/Why… why… you could have… told me…/

//Precious Pretty Other, giving you tears to avoid giving you tears makes no sense, even to me.

/I hate it when you make sense… you're not supposed to make sense./

//No ?//

/No./

//Anything for precious, Pretty Other.  
  
**_It never was and never will be,  
You don't know how you betrayed me,  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled._**

/I… I defended you, you know./

//I know…//

/I told them… I was so stupid. Such a fool. Naïve fool./

//Innocent Pretty Other.

/Me, innocent ?! Hardly./

//Silly Pretty Other, untainted little Other, I remember. Pretty Other's Other remembers, yes, remember, I remember. Soft-meek, shining spring gold, yes, Pretty Other's Other remembers, always remember, cherish memory, precious Pretty Other all gleaming soft spring gold, only one that colour, not like other colours, Pretty Other's Other remembers other colours, yes-yes --//

/What… wait, again ?/

**_It never was and never will be.  
You're not real and you can't save me._**

//Precious Pretty Other, I... I... can't…//

/You don't control it, do you ?/

//…No…//

/So you didn't lie to me./

//You said I was a lie born of hatred.//

/Yeah. I know./

//Pretty Other ?//

/Yeah ?/  
  
**_And somehow now you're everybody's fool._**

//Bin en khet ?//

/Nai, key-i ka. Nai./

* * *

_"Everybody's Fool" – Evanescence_

_Bin en khet ? – Are we evil things ?  
Nai, key-i ka. Nai. – No, my other soul, no._


	11. Diamond : Bakura

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

  
**Diamond :**** Bakura**

**_I took their smiles and I made them mine.  
I… I sold my soul just to hide the light. _**

//You'll never hear me apologize for what I've done.

//You know that. As do I.

//You only apologize for what you are sorry for. And I am not sorry for my past behaviours.//

//Any of them.

//Not ashamed of them. Not proud of some of them, but never ashamed. Shame, guilt… weaknesses.//

//… And you know how I feel about weaknesses, don't you, my Weak Light ?//****

**_And now I see what I really am,  
A thief, a criminal, and a liar._**

//But…//

//… Some nights…//

//Some nights when you're sleeping or studying, quiet because you are always quiet, and I have nothing to do so I just watch you… I wonder.//

//I wonder how, exactly, how you manage to live with me.

//Unashamed, but not proud… what a paradox. Maybe you understand, and I don't, and that's why you endure me. Is that it ? Is that your secret ?//

**_I run to you,  
Call out your name,  
I see you there, farther away. _**

//You're farther away from me than you have ever been, you know that ? Because I have no excuses now… no confusion I can blame. No quiet enemy to accuse. No driving need that eclipses some nicer set of ethics. Just… me.

//Just me.

//What happened ?//

//I'm so… confused.//

**_I'm numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.  
You give me all… but the reason why. _**

//Even my justifications and reasons seem so… empty, now.

//I swore to make you strong. You were stronger than I realized. I wanted to make you ready for this world… you were more ready than I gave you credit for. What… why…//

//And I know… I **_know_** you've had opportunities to be rid of me… the Pharaoh has said he'll banish me, given the chance. Not to the Shadow Realm, but for good. From something even I could not survive. I know he can. But you always claim it's fine. You know it's not. As does he. But you always…//

//Protect me.

//Weak Light.

//Why ? Why would you bother to shield me ? After all I have done, after all I have committed, you should be eager, _willing_, why not **_frantic_** to have me gone. But you're not. You confound me to no end, _baka_.

//And… and yet… I'm glad.

**_I reach but I feel only air at night.  
Not you, not love, just nothing. _**

****//Everything was so much… easier… clearer… when the Millennium Items were still my goal. By Ra, when did I lose my focus ? Was it you, my Weak Light, that got me off track ? Perhaps. I should be angry at you, but I don't feel it. I feel… empty.

//Numb. Like being imprisoned again.

//Worse the second time around.//

//Ah, but I was strong. Five thousand years in that hellish yet addicting living labyrinth and I'm as strong, if not stronger than before. Unbroken.//

//If that's not a measure of strength, then what is ?//

//It's the only way I know…//

**_I run to you,  
Call out your name,  
I see you there, farther away. _**

//But then… the times I have lost my temper. And the walls of my soul room weren't enough to contain my rage. And you should have fled, damn you, you should have… let me burn off my anger, and you didn't. _Baka_ ! You **_didn't_** !//

//You never do.

//And I hate you for that ! When will you **_learn_** ?!//

//I will _never_ change. I _cannot_ change. I am who I am. I am **_what_** I am.

//Why do you think that I will become something better ? Why do you keep trying to mold me into something I can never become ?//

//It infuriates me !//

//And it… frightens me, too.

//Where do you find the strength to keep trying ?//

//And why… why does this same strength elude me ?//

**_Try to forget you,  
But without you I feel nothing.  
Don't leave me here, by myself.  
I can't breathe. _**

// I remember. I make sure that you don't, but I remember.//

//You got rid of the Ring. You took it off and threw it away, and because it was you who had gotten rid of it and not someone else interfering, the Ring couldn't come back. Not without your want for it to do so.

//It hurt.

//Everything slowly sealed up. I was cut off. I couldn't see what was happening. My senses dulled.//

//When I finally figured out what was happening, I yelled at you. Screamed. Cursed. You didn't hear a thing. You couldn't, not without the link between us that the Ring's power created. Did it feel good, my Weak Light ? To know you were free of me ? I can't take physical form when you're separated from the Ring. I was trapped. Helpless.//

//Did that give you a feeling of power ?//

//I… don't know how I felt.

//Empty. Angry.

//Miserable.//

//Not only could I sense nothing… you were gone. For good. Who could blame you ? I didn't… how could I blame you for wanting to get rid of me ?//

//I didn't.//

**_I run to you,  
Call out your name,  
I see you there, farther away. _**

****//But…//

//You… came back.

//An hour, a day later. I don't know. Time's meaningless in the Items. It helps to keep their spirits sane, although I'm sure that wasn't an added feature when the Items were created.//

//It slowly filtered in that you had returned. The connection grew bright again… you had put the Ring back on. Accepting it back, though only Set knows why, every instinct must have been screaming at you to keep your distance, to destroy any link that may return you to… me.//

_ /Yami ?/  
//…//  
/Yami, answer me… please./  
//Ryou ?//  
/I'm sorry…/  
//…//  
/I don't care if you yell at me… just please, say something… I can barely feel you…/  
// I'm here…//  
/Are you all right ?/  
//I…//  
/I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't… you always said I was never going to be strong enough to get rid of the Ring… I wasn't really thinking… I just… I don't know…/  
//So you did it to prove me wrong ?//  
/No, I… I… I'm sorry, yami./  
//I know.//  
/Do… can… will you forgive me ?/  
//… Yeah.  
/… You do ?/  
//Yeah. Just don't do it again.  
/I won't. I won't./_

**_Farther away, farther away, farther away,  
Farther away, farther away…_**

* * *

_"Farther Away" – Evanescence_


	12. Amethyst : Yugi

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

  
**Amethyst :**** Yugi**

**_I still remember the world,  
From the eyes of a child. _**

****I remember a lot of things that I don't always show.

I've forgotten things I probably shouldn't have.

I've blocked things out that could both help and harm me.

And I've let things through that will never, ever go away.

I've lived with Grandpa since I was 7. I moved in with him during the summer. We packed up my stuff from my house -- I didn't have very much that I could take with me -- and moved across town to the Turtle Game Shop. I remember… he didn't say a lot. 'My' room was neat when I got it. Kind of flat-looking… sparse. A guest room with a little more heart than normal, but still a guest room up until then.

Grandpa was going to be my family.

A year previous to that, he had given me a golden box filled gleaming, oddly shaped pieces. I asked him what it was.

_ "It's a puzzle, from __Egypt__. I want you to have it, Yugi."_

For me ?_ "Thanks, Grandpa ! I'm going to solve it right now !"_

Gentle laughter._ "It may not be so easy, I heard no one's solved it since it was created !"_

_ "I'll figure it out !"_

I was very confident. So very impulsive.

… It took me 8 **_years_**.

Confidence turned into tenacious persistence after a while, but I could always find another couple of minutes when I _should_ have been running for school (so as not to be late) to turn the intricate pieces over and over in my hands, trying to figure them out.

… I could never figure out why the pieces always felt _warm_.

**_Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now._**

School was… school was tolerable.

I loved learning. That was no secret. Puzzles, of any variety, fascinated me. I did math problems for the challenge of logic they presented. Strategic games were mesmerizing. And yet, I didn't think of myself as competitive. Quite the opposite, actually, to be competitive, don't you need opponents ? I shied away from people, from the oppression they presented.

It was a validated fear !

And I kept stubbornly trying to fit random, gold-gleaming pieces together. Eight years…

I always assumed -- knew, somehow -- that I would eventually solve the puzzle. The Puzzle, rather. But to actually do it… to find myself suddenly in an unfamiliar bedroom full of toys.

I could still hear voices.

_ "Let's play a game, Ushio."_

_ "Game start."_

_ "Ace of Spades… I win."_

_ "I knew you wouldn't be able to obey the rules…"_

_ "Who are you ?"_

_ "Who are you ?" _

_ "Thank you… for protecting me…"_

**_Where has my heart gone ?  
An uneven trade for the real world. _**

****So am I the innocent everyone believes I am ?

I… suppose, I am.

Sometimes, it's so hard to be the 'good' side. The hikari. Why is being innocent so much harder than being corrupt ? It's one of those never-answered questions. What makes a person, a soul, corrupt ? Evil ? What's to say I'm not evil ? I don't feel evil… but there are times I don't feel innocent or naïve, either.

I wonder if Yami would know ?****

**_I want to go back to believing in everything,  
And knowing nothing at all. _**

****I've seen darkness.

Seen the way it consumes, the way it washes over a soul with no room left for anything else, eclipses everything else, washes away doubt and makes everything clear like obsidian crystal. That's darkness. Clarity and purpose and comfort.

Innocence doesn't come with much of a purpose. But I'm the innocent one, the pure one, the good one. The one who balances things out.

It's tempting. The darkness, I mean. You wouldn't believe how tempting. Sometimes I feel like I could switch sides and no one would notice. I'm not sure if it'd be a subtle shift but I bet I could do it and have no one know. Yami might know, though. I wonder what he would think of that, of his Little Aibou becoming dark like him ? Would he become Light ? Or would we just become two darknesses, whirling around each other ?

I wonder what brought all this to light.

Pun intended.****

**_I still remember the sun,  
Always warm on my back.  
_**  
So many times, when I wasn't strong enough, or fast enough, or smart enough… you see, I have a replacement, someone who steps in during those times when I just don't measure up. The better version of me. When the little one isn't enough.

How come the darkness is always stronger than the light ? Even twilight is more shadow than sun.

Maybe I'm tired of all of that. Tired of being set aside when the important things need to be done, like I'm only good enough for the simple and the mundane.****

**_Somehow it seems colder now. _**

****Where's that uncrossable line ? I stand on it's edge all the time and look over, and it's like a cliff or a bottomless pit, all shadows and tempting and glorious. And I throw rocks down into it's depths and listen to the echoes until they fade and wonder if I threw myself over that same edge, what kind of echoes I would make.

And the funniest thing, is that everybody else has no idea.

They look at me and see nothing amiss, nothing wrong. They laugh and joke around and play games and tell jokes and do everything that I do, and all the time I'm wondering what I'm doing, how things would be different, if only…

Well, who can blame them, really ?

After all… darkness doesn't call to them the way it does to me. Maybe because I'm a hikari, I feel it more. My separate, precious darkness is cut off from me. If we're meant to balance each other… what balance is there within ourselves ?

**_Where has my heart gone ?  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger. _**

****But…

But then there are those times when Yami looks at me like I'm the only thing keeping him sane, because he's darkness too, that same darkness that I always find so alluring, and he pretends that he can handle it all on his own, but I know he needs me. And I kind of like that feeling, almost powerful, of being in charge, and the tables are turned because suddenly I'm the stronger one and if I was dark, I wouldn't get that…

And Yami would have no one to turn to, to fight back his darkness, because he wants to do it himself but he can't, because he's a part of it and he needs me to help him and at the same time, he blames himself for exposing me to the very thing that I find so fascinating.

What a contradiction.

Some days, that's all I am, is a contradiction !****

**_I want to go back  
To believing in everything._**

_//Aibou ? You're very quiet._

_ /Just thinking, Yami./_

_ //Is everything all right ?//_

_ /Yep./_

_ //Very well, aibou. You know I'm always here if you need to talk._

_ /I know, Yami./_

See ? I can't even tell him… heh, what a conversation that would be.

No, this secret's all mine. Mine, and it will stay that way.

I'm the innocent one, remember.

* * *

_"Field of Innocence" – Evanescence_


	13. Sapphire : Ryou

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

  
**Sapphire :**** Ryou**

**_My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams,  
Twenty bucks should get me through the week. _**

He thinks I don't remember.

I do.

I remember tearing the Ring off and hearing the sudden silence, like a pounding headache; I remember flinging it far down into the ravine where I knew no one would find it; I remember walking home, almost in a trance, taking my time as I had not dared to do in so long. I remember going over my plan to run. I didn't know if the Ring, if… if _he_ could get back to me. So I would flee, I would find my father, who would probably raise an eyebrow but nevertheless welcome me to stay with him. I had a plan. I wasn't going to be a puppet any longer.

… I remember the feeling of being so utterly, completely, inconsolably alone.

Two days.

That's it.

Just two simple days of… freedom ?

I went back. Frantically, fearfully, recklessly… I retrieved the Ring and put it on. The abrupt double-presence in the back of my mind was welcome, but faint.

_/Yami ?/ _

_ //…//_

_ /Yami, answer me… please./_

Oh god, what had I done ?

_//Ryou ?//_

_ /I'm sorry…/_

_ //…//_

No, no… he sounded so faint ! Did I do that ? I thought removing the Ring would just separate us, but what if it did more to him ? What if it was actually hurting him, or sealing him back away, or --

_/I don't care if you yell at me… just please, say something… I can barely feel you…/_

_ // I'm here…//_

_ /Are you all right ?/_

_ //I…//_

_ /I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't… you always said I was never going to be strong enough to get rid of the Ring… I wasn't really thinking… I just… I don't know…/_

_ //So you did it to prove me wrong ?// _

Yami, yami, please, I know you understand, why do you always do this, go all cold ? I said I was sorry…

_/No, I… I… I'm sorry, yami./_

_ //I know._

_ /Do… can… will you forgive me ?/ _

Who am I kidding ? After what I just did, I don't even know why I'm asking. Weak, just like he says, I know he's the strong one, but…

_//… Yeah._

_ /… You do ?/_

_ //Yeah. Just don't do it again._

_ /I won't. I won't./ _

Never. Never, never again…

**_Never said a word of discontentment,  
Thought it a thousand times but now,  
I'm leaving home. _**

You're brooding again.

I spent the afternoon at the movies with Yugi and the others. You used to forbid me to do stuff like that, but now you just tell me irritably that you really don't care what I do, and then put the blocks up around your thoughts and your soul room so I have no idea what you're doing… I only know that I can't communicate with you when you do that.

You used to control me, but now, you just ignore me.

This is worse.

What have I done to make myself so low in your eyes that you don't even care when I spend time with Yugi ?

And how can I fix it ?

You confuse me so much…****

**_Here in the shadows,  
I'm safe, I'm free.  
I've nowhere else to go, but,  
I cannot stay where I don't belong. _**

I admit it. I need you. You've always told me this, but I need you in a different sort of way. Not to protect me, or control me, but to complete me. I think I'm finally understanding why Malik hates his yami so much and yet they rotate around each other like two suns, two eclipsed suns.

Equilibrium.

Is this what you meant, when you said that I'd eventually get it ? If it is, I've got it now, yami. I think I understand.

It… it's not too late, is it ?  
  
**_Time passes by and it's getting cold.  
I know I'm not lost, I'm just alone._**

_ "What are you doing ?"_

_ "Just organizing some of our extra cards, yami."_

_ "Why ?"_

_ "Because they needed it. They were just clumped together in the bottom of the deck box. Want to help ?"_

_ "Keh. Baka." _

You have no idea how much that hurts, do you ? Or maybe you do…

_"So if the rate of cell division is .841 per hour, and the original cell mass is 4.4, and the length of the experiment is --"_

_ "Now what are you doing ?"_

_ "My math homework."_

_ "Why ?"_

_ "It's due tomorrow."_

**_But I won't cry, I won't give up,  
I can't go back now. _**

****I know I've said it before, but… I'll wait.

Until your pride, or your past, allow you to at least acknowledge that I care about you… and maybe, that you care about me in return. More than just my body, I mean. More than the fact that I'm the possessor of the Ring, or your other half.

I've got time.

Not immortality, but time. And patience. And hope.

Even if you laugh at me for that.

**_Waking up is knowing who you really are. _**

_"Goodnight, yami."_

_ "Hn."_

_ "What are you looking at outside ?"_

_ "… Stars."_

_ "See any familiar constellations ?"_

_ "The Hunter and the __Nile__ Bird."_

_ "Do they remind you of __Egypt__ ?"_

_ "… Hn." _

I want to ask you for a story… but you haven't done that for a long time. Since your memory came back. Or if you have, I don't remember it. It's entirely possible that you've taken more than a few memories from me, besides the times you use my body and lock me in my soul room --

//**_Ch_**, all you do is chatter ! How can you be so quiet out loud and so damned noisy in my head ?//

Oops. /Sorry, yami./ Definitely not the best time to ask for a story, then.

//Aw, does little Ryou want a bedtime story ?// The sarcasm is hard to miss. You turn to sneer at me… I wish you wouldn't.

/I… never mind, yami, I'm sorry for disturbing you. Goodnight./

//… Hikari ?//

/Yes, yami ?/

//…What kind of story ?//

**_Here in the shadows,  
I'm safe, I'm free.  
I've nowhere else to go, but,  
I cannot stay where I don't belong. _**

Maybe things won't get better. I have to accept that possibility, but I've been through the 'worse' part. Maybe you'll never change, but I like to think that you are, because you're different now than you used to be. I won't say kinder, but not as aggressive towards me, at least.

Will he ever be like Yami Yugi is towards Yugi ? I very much doubt it. In fact, I'm pretty positive. But… well, maybe he cares in a different way. Possessive, of course, prideful and vicious and fierce, but that's just who he is.

And who am I to change that ?

Yeah. Maybe Malik's got the right idea. Completion.

Marik'll never let him live that one down.  
  
**_Show me the shadow where true meaning lies. _**

And those times when you ignore me, or those few times when you still give me your 'lessons'…

I forgive you.

Like I could do anything else.

**_So much more is made in empty eyes._**

//Hikari ?//

/Yes, yami ?/

//What are you doing ?//

/Reading./

//What are you reading ?//

/A book on Egypt's history./

//Ch. Books are usually wrong.

/Oh./

//I suppose I could tell you a true version.//

/Would you, please ?/

//Hn. _Baka_. I just said I would.

I can't help it; I grin.

/I'd like that, yami./

* * *

_"Exodus" – Evanescence_


	14. Garnet : Marik

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

  
**Garnet :**** Marik**

**_Playground school bell rings again,  
Rain clouds come to play again._**

Pretty pretty hikari doesn't _understand_ ! Pretty Other thinks it's so _easy_, it's not, not, not-not-not.

Hurts. Pretty Other makes hurt.

… Pretty Other's Other likes hurt.

But not when pretty hikari hurts. No, no, don't want pretty hikari to hurt. See, Pretty Other's Other exists so that Pretty Other never has to hurt anymore. Was created during one of pretty hikari's hurts and made no more hurt.

Made blood.

But stopped hurt.

All for precious pretty Other.  
  
**_Has no one told you she's not breathing ? _**

****And now Pretty Other is crying again. And won't talk to Pretty Other's Other. Went and cried for Isis-sister and won't talk to Pretty Other's Other. And Rishid-not-brother glares. Pretty Other's Other glares back. Not allowed to hurt Rishid-not-brother. Pretty hikari says so. But pretty hikari also tells Rishid-not-brother not to hurt Pretty Other's Other.

Silly hikari.

Can't hurt Pretty Other's Other.

Will leave Rishid-not-brother alone. For Pretty Other.

**_Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to..._**

Want to leave.

Will leave for a little while, while pretty hikari cries. Isis-sister will make pretty hikari stop crying. Isis-sister is good sister. Not like Rishid-not-brother. Pretty Other's Other likes Isis-sister. Isis-sister made pretty hikari stop crying when Pretty Other's Other made pretty hikari's first hurt stop. Made blood, stopped hurt, Isis-sister took care of everything, just like Pretty Other's Other ! Like Isis-sister.

Wanted Rishid-not-brother's blood too.

Wasn't allowed.

_ "No ! Don't hurt him, what are you, stop, you killed him, what are you ?"  
"Mine, you're mine, I did it for you, he was hurting you, I'm yours, you made me."  
"Father ! You killed him !"  
"I am you and you are me and I did it for you because you asked."  
"No ! Liar !"  
"Will kill anyone who makes you hurt…"  
"What… what are you doing ? No, leave Rishid alone !"  
"His fault !"  
"No, he's my brother, stop, don't hurt him !"  
"Not brother, not, Rishid-not-brother !"  
"**Leave him alone !**"_

Pretty Other's Other was gone for a very long time, then. But not mad. Stopped all of pretty hikari's hurts, so didn't mind. Waited and waited and wait-wait-wait until Pretty Other wanted Pretty Other's Other to come back, and then was there, right there, for pretty hikari, all ready to help pretty hikari.  
  
**_Hello... _**

Out, now, out-out-out, gone, will come back but not right now. Where to go, where to go ? Wander-wander-wander…  
  
**_If I smile and don't believe,  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream. _**

****It's sudden.

And it hurts.

But then I _know_.

And I'm left, blinking, startled, standing in the shadows and I don't remember how I got here, and all I _can_ remember is my hikari crying and yelling at me. What am I doing here ? I look around; still in Domino. Far side of town to where 'everyone else' lives.

… Why's it always _hurt_ when this happens ?

Maybe I should go back, but… he's still mad at me. Doesn't know. And I don't want to upset him any more. No… will go back later. What to do now ? Start walking. Don't care where.

Wait, _yesss_… I know where to go ! I walk quickly; I've no fear of the night or the dark or the things that lurk in either but I don't want any distractions. Can't waste any time. Don't know how long this is going to last.

Rock, rock, find a rock, there's one. Throw the rock. Hit the window. Will apologize for the crack in glass later…. Waiting… Looking for another rock…

"Don't bother."

I can see through him tonight… I guess he didn't want to wake his silver-and-blue hikari. Pretty like moonlight hikari, his is !

"What are you doing here, Ishtar ?"

"I don't know."  
  
**_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken ! _**

"…Well, I doubt Malik's really _that_ mad at you."

"Ha, you didn't see the way he hit me !"

"He _hit_ you ?"

"Yeah. Then he laughed at me. Then he started crying."

"… And they think **_I've_** got a strange relationship to my hikari."

"Yeah… how is he ?"

"Who ?"

"Your hikari, idiot. Who else would I mean ?"

"Shut up, Ishtar. He's fine."

"…That's good."

"Yeah."  
  
**_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide... _**

****"What set him off ?"

"I don't know… me ? Maybe… ?"

"Well, was it or not ?"

"I don't know ! I never know. But it's me. Always me. It's better if it's me…"  
  
**_Don't cry..._**

"Bakura ?"

"Yeah, Ishtar ?"

"It doesn't last."

"It doesn't seem to, no."

"**_Why_** !?"

"I don't know ! Keep it down, if you wake Ryou, I'll throw you off this roof."

"I'm tired of this… I hate this. Hate it so much. Hate it more than anything else ! And my hikari… he's so scared of me…"

I can feel silver-and-black beside me wince. He knows about this as much as anyone else, but he's different, different than me. Always different and yet the same, so he understands when no one else understands and that's why I'm here !

"Ishtar ?"

**_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping._**

Can feel it slipping, pretty-pretty away. Away ! And he knows it to, because he's starting to help me down so I can go, need to go, need to leave, need to get back to pretty hikari !

He understands, even when I don't remember anymore.

"Goodbye ?"

"Bye, Ishtar."

"Hikari lights, pretty-pretty brights."

"They certainly are."

Need to go, need to get back to hikari, pretty, sun-soft golden hikari. Hikari make blood-shadows feel better.  
  
**_Hello, I'm still here, all that's left…_**

Hikari ?

There you are. Asleep ? No, pretending, silly pretty hikari, can't fool me. Can't fool Pretty Other's Other.

**_Of yesterday..._******

****"Are you forever, yami ?"****

****Forever and ever and ever, Pretty, pretty precious Other, pretty hikari. Pretty Other's Other never go away, bound and tied and chained and as much a part of Pretty Other as Pretty Other is of me !

"Yes, Pretty Other."

Shh… don't yell.

Yes, you can hit me. I don't mind, little one. Precious one. So pretty. Vent on me and hate me and curse me and wish I was gone and when you're all done, I'll have your pretty pretty salt-tears.

"Where'd you go ?"

"Not leave Pretty, precious Other."

"I told you not to leave me !"

"Pretty Other's Other sorry, pretty hikari… made salt-salt tears, very sorry…"

"Isis is asleep."

"Isis-sister is good sister, Pretty Other. Pretty Other sleep now, too."

"Ok. You'll stay ?"

"Yes, pretty, precious Pretty Other. Always stay."

* * *

_"Hello" – Evanescence_


	15. Ruby : Yami

Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

**Part III: Gemstones**

* * *

  
**Ruby :**** Yami**

**_How can you see into my eyes, like open doors ?  
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb._**

You've always been able to read me, and you know this. You have _always_ known this. And yet, you often pretend that you can't. I do not know what to think about this. The pretending itself doesn't bother me, but more the question, why is it you need to mask yourself in the first place ? If you are worried that I will be displeased, you should know you never need to worry…

/What's _that_ expression for, Yami ? You look like you just ate a lemon./

Silly Aibou. //Do I, now ?//

/Yep./

//I can assure you, I have eaten no such thing.//

/I know that, silly !/

… Do you even realize how much light you shine, little one ? ****

**_Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.  
Until you find it there and lead it back home. _**

The Puzzle, my prison and sanctuary. Quite ironic, actually.

That the thing to kept me sane for those millennia is now managing to drive me to madness in the short time since I have awoken. I sometimes wonder if this is nothing but a jest of Ra, of the Gods, as if they were to mock me this would be how they would go about it.

Maybe I let them mock me, if only to know that I have not totally been forgotten.**_  
  
(Wake me up), wake me up inside.  
(I can't wake up), wake me up inside.  
(Save me.) Call my name and save me from the dark. _**

Perhaps I'm a fool for my attempts to drown myself in pity as of late, but it seems to inevitable. I would laugh to use the word 'destined' except I feel no discomfort in doing so.

And yet… I hate that single thought.

Is this… all of this, all that I have come to ?**_   
  
(Wake me up), bid my blood to run.  
(I can't wake up) before I come undone.  
(Save me.) Save me from the nothing I've become. _**

****You've fallen asleep on your language book, little Aibou.

I would move you to the bed but you seem so peaceful that I do not wish to disturb you, even for that. Instead I stand over you; you are so deep within your slumber that I realize you must have been exhausted.

I… I hadn't noticed.

I think about this, trying to pass it off as a false distraction, but in the dim room and the glow of your lamp… I find I simply can't. I just… didn't _notice_. For a moment this bewilders me… or more specifically, the reaction to this bewilders me. Confused, I move to turn off the lamp so you can at least sleep more comfortably, when I notice that the page you are resting on looks… familiar.

Pyramids ?  
**_  
Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me ! _**

****Carefully, I pull the book from beneath you, pausing as you shift, mumble, and fall back into your deep sleep. I cannot help but smile, watching you, little one. The book has piqued my interest now, though. A simple black and white line-sketch of a pyramid on the left-hand page… and immediately captivates my attention. Curiousity ?

Homesickness ? Longing ?

I turn my attention to what is written on the right page.****

**_Breathe into me and make me real, bring me to life. _**

Ozymandias of Egypt

_I met a traveller from an antique land  
Who said: -- Two vast and trunkless legs of stone  
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,  
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown  
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command  
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read  
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,  
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.  
And on the pedestal these words appear:  
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:  
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"  
Nothing beside remains: round the decay  
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,  
The lone and level sands stretch far away._

P.B. Shelley

I read the passage… knowing nothing of it's author nor when it was written… nor what it's intended meaning was, but suddenly, I realize that this King of Kings… this Pharaoh who ruled long after my time…

_This poem, written in 1818, was inspiried by the huge statue of Ramses II that had fallen in the inner courtyard of the Ramasseum. Ramses II, who was the probable pharaoh at the time of the exodus, erected a statue to himself in this arena. It is the largest known statue cut from a single block of stone. The statue weighs over 100 tons and fell victim to an earthquake many years ago. The statue and the gigantic temple was supposed to stand for all eternity as a demonstration of Ramses II 's greatness and his power over life and death…_

… An atoll in the middle of a sea of sand, ruling over everything forgotten and turned to dust. A King of the past ! A sovereign of ruins and old memories turned brittle with time.

I suddenly have the urge to fling the book as far and as hard as I am able, but I don't. Only because it will wake Yugi, and upset him. Only because of that. Instead, I drop the book onto the bed and glare.

It rings too resoundingly for my liking.  
**_  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside. _**

My title ? I am King of Games. And it means less and less to me, and I don't know why. It's a crown heavier than any Double Crown I wore in Egypt, because it draws upon you, too, doesn't it ? Game King, Game Prince, Yugioh, it really doesn't matter what the title actually is. What ironic mirth, this is… you see, I am not incapable of losing. Far from it, actually. But I cannot control… it.

And you have begun to understand this, little one.

And unlike me, you seem to find this… interesting. Fascinating, even, though you won't say anything because you think that I would disapprove. Do I disapprove ? I don't know; it has simply become a fact that I exist in tandem with. It puzzles me that you do not find such a thing to be… unfair, though.

Or maybe you do, and you just don't let me know it ?

When did you start keeping such things from me ?  
**_  
Frozen inside without your touch, without your love,  
Only you are the life among the dead. _**

If not for you… I would be insane.

Do you know that ? Can you possibly fathom that ? Does that knowledge lie hidden beneath the looks of pride and adoration and friendship ?

And yet even with your presence, there are times -- like now -- where I begin to wonder if I still am truly sane at all. What am I ? Some forgotten spirit, passed out of time and memory, like a traveler strayed too far from a birth-land, forgetful… oblivious.

And still stubbornly clinging to shards of the past. Arrogant. Prideful. Always in control, but of what ?

This cannot… this cannot be all there is.

Can it ?  
  
**_All of this time, I can't believe I couldn't see,  
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me.  
I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems.  
I've got to open my eyes to everything. _**

"Yami ?"****

… I have woken you. For the briefest of moments I curse my stupidity. "Yes, aibou ?"

"Are you ok ? You're… angry ?"

You are confused and rightfully so; without knowing it, I've allowed some of my turbulent thoughts to linger on the fringes of our bond. I smile, though… I would never burden you with such things, little Light. You should know that. "It's nothing, hikari. I was just thinking. I'm sorry I woke you."****

You yawn, then grin. I cannot help it, I smile back. What would I do without you ? I dare not think about it. If I could slip so far into my angry musings while you were merely asleep… ****

No. I will not think on that, either.****

**_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul._****_  
Don't let me die here, there must be something wrong. _**

And at the fraying edges of my sanity…

I will keep looking.

There is something else.

I will find it.

I _have_ to find it.

**_Bring me to life._**

Or I will be no more than that shattered visage, looking proudly out over a kingdom of… nothingness. Of ruins and shadows and memories, a King of Games with only the remnants of that sovereignty.

The Gods mock me with these thoughts.

I hate that I am grateful for even that.

* * *

_"Bring Me To Life" – Evanescence_


End file.
